From Overwhelm to Sukoon: Discovering Joy in Parenting
Six years and three children later and as an unschooling mother, I spend most of my time around children.
Today, I can say from my heart: I love parenting. I love being a mother.
Parenting feels joyful more than hard -there are more peaceful, sukoon-filled days than overwhelmed ones.
Of course, it wasn’t always like this. It came after a lot of inner work -shifting my lens, accepting being different, healing, investing in my growth, learning to hold boundaries, and practicing self-care.
It took time, energy, money, and a lot of courage — courage to be okay with being judged, even called “bad,” and still choosing what felt true and right for me and my children.
What I Love About Parenting
I find joy in just being with my children -listening to their stories, their imaginations, their wild questions.
They keep me connected to my fitrah.
They bring out both my worst and my best, constantly inviting me to grow.
I often feel I wouldn’t have been the person I am today without them, They made me do better, be better, and love deeper.
With my 6 month old , it’s the pure joy of holding him close, hearing his laughter, feeling my heart overflow with warmth.
With my 5-6-year-olds, it’s the joy of their endless questions and the little conversations that make ordinary days so meaningful.
Interaction with children brings hope– They pull you into the present moment. You can’t rush through life around them. Their wonder and joy force you to pause, breathe, and be here, now.
Even amidst chaos or low moments, you find yourself smiling. You find joy, love, and hope.
They have pushed me to know my values, to define what truly matters, and to leave the rest , even at the cost of displeasing others.
What’s Hard and What Keeps Me Grounded
The hardest part for me is that my time is not fully mine.
I plan, and then life with kids happens.
Some days, I get triggered. I lose my calm. Managing sibling fights can be exhausting. But even then, I realize, my children are my mirrors.
Every time I do something wrong, a question arises in my mind: Would I be okay if my children did this?
That reflection keeps me anchored and brings me back.
And yet, some things feel easy -reading with them, loving them, giving them autonomy, letting them make decisions.
So far (before the preteen years!), that part has felt natural , just enjoying their company and watching them grow.
What Helped Me and Might Help You Too
- 🌱 See your children for who they are, not who you want them to be.
- 🌱 Shift your lens – Clear it from fear, comparison, and judgment.
- 🌱 Set kind boundaries – Not to punish, but to protect and guide.
- 🌱 Respect their individuality They are not ours to mold.
- 🌱 Be a gardener, not a carpenter. Our job is to nurture their fitrah, not shape them into something else.
- 🌱 Do the inner work. Know yourself, your values, your purpose.
- 🌱 Choose peace – again and again.
- 🌱 Hold on to Emaan, Tawakkul, and Dua. We plant seeds, but it’s Allah who grows them.
- 🌱 Watch your language. The words we use about ourselves, our children, and others shape our inner world and theirs.
A Quite Realisation
One day, my six-year-old tried to lift his baby brother.
In the process, the baby got a little hurt and started crying loudly.
My older one looked embarrassed and quietly slipped away.
After a few minutes, he came back and whispered, “I am feeling shame.”
Every part of me wanted to rescue him to say, “No, no, you didn’t mean it!”
but I paused.
Instead, I asked gently,
👉 “What is shame telling you?”
He said, “That I am a bad boy.”
I took a breath and asked softly,
“Are you?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Who says this?”
“Shaytan.”
“And what does Allah, who created you, say?”
“Allah says I am Ashraful Makhlooqat , the best and most beautiful creation.”
Just like that, he smiled and went back to playing – light and free again.
That day, I realized something powerful:
Validation isn’t rescuing or fixing our children.
It’s holding space for them. It’s trusting them to find their own wisdom.
But I didn’t always know this.
I didn’t always know how to talk to children like that. These are learned skills -skills I gained through the courses I did and the training I received as a parent coach.
The old me would have snapped, lectured, dismissed, or rushed to solve things the way I had seen it done.
Learning these tools changed everything for me , it helped me parent differently, respond with awareness, and be attuned to my children’s hearts.
And I learnt that Parenting is not about talking more, it’s about listening more , about connecting deeper.
Reflection
What part of parenting feels hardest for you right now?
What helps you reconnect with joy when it gets tough?
If This Resonates With You
If this journey speaks to your heart and you are ready to find peace, joy, and connection in your parenting – I invite you to explore the course I teach Anokhay Parents, designed by Maryam Munir, The Parent Empowerment Project
It’s where we learn to heal our lens, build connection, and parent with mercy, not fear.
Because parenting isn’t about perfection – it’s about presence, purpose, and peace.
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